Entering into a lifestyle such as this can often be an exciting and thrilling adventure. I often see new people eager to begin their journey, to learn, to figure out what scratches their itch. However, as is the case with new and exciting things, oftentimes safety tends to be overlooked.

A lot of new people tend to rush out to meet people, and test out these new kinks. While meeting new and interesting people is probably one of the more fun aspects of BDSM, it’s important that we keep safety at the forefront of our mind.

My personal rule is that I will not play with people in private until I have met them in public, but it would be unrealistic of me to simply push that and expect it to be followed. As such I decided to take the time to sit down and write out some helpful tips on staying safe when performing meetups.

Public vs Private

Since I’ve already mentioned it, I’m going to jump on this one first. Personally, I advise everyone to meet someone you’re interested in engaging with in public first. Typically I would advise doing this at a public dungeon, somewhere you can interact with them and see how they interact with others in BDSM prior to doing it in private.

This is arguably the most proactive step that you can take as the majority of the steps following will only serve to limit damage already being done rather than trying to prevent it all together.

If meeting in a public dungeon is not an option, maybe there isn’t one near you, at least meet at a bar, or coffee shop, or something similar so you can get a feel for this person.

Self Defense

Probably the most real piece of information I can give in this writing will be the following: You are the only person responsible for your safety! This may strike some a weird way, but I doubt anyone can counter it.

As a result I highly advise that everyone takes at minimum a beginner’s level self-defense course. This, along with regular practice can give you invaluable skills to help ensure your safety.

Notify others

Your first few times meeting up with someone you should start to get a decent feel for how they are as a person, however, unfortunately humans are extremely unpredictable. Someone may present well, yet still have ulterior motives. Always inform someone that you know and trust the following bits of information:

• Where you are going (give exact address)
• When you are leaving
• When you are expected to return

It’s imperative that you not only tell this to someone you know and trust but also make sure it’s someone that you know will follow up. I’m talking about the kind of people that will be calling 911 (or your country’s equivalent) if they haven’t heard from you 15m after you’re supposed to be back.

Set up secretive ways of checking in

This is one that most don’t think about. If you have someone texting you and checking in on you, anyone could be texting back. Also you may not want ruin any moments by making a phone call. As such, set up other ways so you and your “spotter” can feel a little better about the situation.

For example, agree prior to leaving with your spotter that if they text you and check in, you’ll respond back on another medium. So if you’re friend texts you asking “You good?” Maybe you send them a message back in snap saying “yeah I’m good”. This way they know if you text back, that it’s not you and they should be on alert.

Location sharing

There are many apps available, however the one I have personal experience with is Life360. Download this app and ensure your spotter does too so they can view your location the entire time you’re there. This can be especially helpful as this app also allows you to create locations which will notify others of when you arrive and when you leave.

Keep in mind this is not a replacement for informing someone as mentioned in the “Notify others” section above.

Pepperspray or Taser

Check your local laws first, but if you are able to ensure you carry a taser, Pepperspray, or at least a pocket knife on your person. This gives you more leverage and the ability to fight back should things go south.

Do NOT just buy them and keep them though. Train and practice with them. Ensure you know how to use them and if they expire.

Phone SOS

Both Android and iPhones have a built in SOS feature. Figure out how to enable on your phone and make sure you know how to use it. This will allow you to hit the power button a set number of times (usually around 5) quickly, and then it sends your location to trusted contacts and calls 911. You can even set it to sound an audible alarm or be quiet. This gives you another method of quietly asking for help. Although, I will say this is the nuclear option as law enforcement will also be responding to this.

Gut feeling

Your gut feeling is there for a reason!!! Always trust it! If everything is going perfect but something just doesn’t feel right, then get the fuck out! Your gut feeling is an instinct that has developed over hundreds of thousands of years, it’s best to listen to it.

I have too often heard of bad events that transpired because someone got a bad feeling but then explained it away. Just listen, and don’t try to excuse anything.

Guilt

Another downfall of many is guilt. Don’t fall victim to putting yourself in a bad situation because you feel guilty. Remember, just as no one owes you anything, you don’t owe shit to anyone else.

Don’t feel bad about deciding to leave early or just “not being in the mood” to do something. This is your life, and you are responsible for it not theirs.

Males!

Men, this section is directed right at you. Don’t think that just because you’re a guy you’re safe. I completely understand why safety usually isn’t at the front of your mind when meeting up with someone but it still should be. I have heard many stories of guys going to meet up with someone (girls and guys) and get jumped and robbed. Due to our aversion to think of the dangers, we are actually the easier targets than women. You should follow the advice above just as much as women should.

Final Thoughts

As with all of my instructional writings, I don’t claim to be an expert at everything…or anything! If you believe some part of this is incorrect, or needs to be adjusted, or something just needs to be added to it. Then comment it below, or send me a message and I’ll be glad to make any necessary corrections.