I’ve noticed three main perspectives on how kink and vanilla lifestyles intersect:

• Indifferent: These folks don’t mind if the two mix but don’t actively seek to blend them.
• Integrated: This group embraces kink as part of a holistic lifestyle, seeing no need for separation between kink and vanilla.
• Separated: These individuals strongly believe in keeping kink and vanilla completely separate.

This article is specifically for those in the ‘Separated’ category. In our increasingly interconnected world, maintaining separate online and real-life identities is challenging. It’s easier than ever for others to discover who we are, and we often unintentionally reveal personal information online. While I may go a bit on the paranoid side with this article, feel free to pick and choose what to do in order to address what fits your risk profile.

The cell phone

The invention of the first consumer based user-friendly smart phone from Apply with the iPhone in 2007 is perhaps one of the biggest contributions to modern society in our lifetimes. With it came the ability to use your phone to play music, easily browse the web, take photos and more. With all of these conveniences smart phones exploded and are now in 97% of all pockets in America. With this and their advancements also come risks.

Facebook and Social Media

I have seen countless individuals on here express concern over Facebook showing lifestyle individuals in the “People you may know” category of their website.

One of the methods that Facebook uses to find “People you may know” is through location tracking. Facebook receives information such as GPS location, Bluetooth, and nearby Wi-Fi connections to location people you are near. This is openly stated in their Privacy center, the down side is that they also use information that other people share about you as well and your browsing history to further get information about you. Facebook isn’t the only app that does it either, take a look at Snapchat’s Privacy Policy under “Information We Generate When You Use Our Services”, or Instagram’s Policy, hell even Tiktok. Most commonly used applications, especially social media applications are always tracking.

So now the real question is how can I keep my lives separated if I’m always being watched?

App Settings

• Disable Location Services: Many apps request access to your location, even when it’s not essential for their function. Go through your app permissions and disable location access for any app that doesn’t absolutely need it. This prevents apps from tracking your movements and potentially revealing your whereabouts.
• Use Airplane Mode Strategically: When you’re at a location or event you want to keep private, consider switching to Airplane Mode. This disables most wireless communication, including cellular data, preventing your phone from transmitting some identifying information.
• Disable Wi-Fi: Disable Wi-Fi when not required as many apps will use Wi-Fi names and/or the MAC address of WIFI routers to determine location. You can actually visit Wigle to see a map of WIFI networks world-wide. Check it out and see if your network is there 😉
• Disable Bluetooth and Proximity Sensors: Similar to location services, Bluetooth and proximity sensors can be used to gather information about your surroundings and connections. Disable these features when not in use.  
• Restrict Contact Access: Be mindful of which apps have access to your contacts list. Some apps may upload your contacts to their servers, potentially exposing your connections to third parties.
• Browser Use: When possible try to use the web-browser to access your service rather than their app. While services can still gather information from the browser they are severely limited in the type of information that can be accessed.

Of course some of these may feel a bit excessive, but pick and choose what you are willing to do. There are apps out there that can automatically disable WIFI and/or Bluetooth when you’re not at home so you don’t have to remember to do it. But any steps you take to make it more difficult for these companies will ultimately help you.

Browsers: Gotta keep ’em seperated

While it might seem simple, using different browsers for your vanilla and kink activities can significantly enhance your online separation. Each browser maintains its own set of data, including:

• Browser History: This records the websites you visit, potentially revealing your interests and activities. By using separate browsers, you prevent your kink browsing history from showing up in your vanilla browser and vice versa.
• Cookies: These small files store information about your browsing activity, preferences, and login details. Separate browsers mean separate cookies, reducing the risk of websites tracking your behavior across different areas of your life.
• Cached Data: Browsers store website data like images and scripts to speed up loading times. Using separate browsers prevents cached data from one area of your life from being accessible in the other.
• Browser Fingerprinting: This uses your browser settings and configurations to create a unique “fingerprint” that can be used to track you across websites. Different browsers have different fingerprints, making it harder to connect your online activities.

For example, you could use Firefox for your vanilla life and Chrome for your kink life. Or, you could use a privacy-focused browser like Brave for your kink activities, adding an extra layer of anonymity.

Hidden in Plain Sight: Image Metadata

Most don’t realize that their photos contain hidden metadata, or EXIF data. This data can include:

• Date and time the photo was taken: This could reveal when and where you were at a particular event.
• Camera settings: Information like the camera model and lens used might be identifiable or even the device used to take the image.
• Location data (GPS coordinates): This is a major privacy risk, as it pinpoints exactly where the photo was taken.

Now think about that picture that you recently took and uploaded. Were you having a beautiful Shibari tie being done at home? What about a wax scene at the local dungeon? What data is attached to it?

If you would like to see for yourself what data is being attached to your images you can follow the below steps:

1: Go to https://onlineexifviewer.com/
2: Upload a photo from your device.
3: The website will display all the embedded metadata.

But now that you’re aware, how can your prevent this? Thankfully many companies automatically remove or “strip” the data when you upload an image but there are ways you can remove it yourself if you don’t want to trust someone else.

• Online EXIF Viewers: Many online EXIF viewers, including the one mentioned above, also offer a metadata removal feature. Simply upload your photo, and the website will strip the EXIF data.
• Operating System Tools: Both Windows and macOS have built-in options for removing metadata.
• Windows: Right-click on the image file, select “Properties,” then “Details.” Click on “Remove Properties and Personal Information” to remove metadata.
• macOS: While older macOS versions had a built-in feature, newer ones require third-party apps. ImageOptim is a free option that removes metadata while also optimizing image size.
• Dedicated Software: Several software programs specialize in metadata removal. Some popular options include ExifTool (command-line based) and Metadata++ (GUI-based).

Information Reuse: A Common Pitfall

One of the easiest ways to accidentally link your online and real-life identities is through information reuse. This happens when you use the same or similar details across different platforms and contexts (such as Personal vs Professional vs Kink).

Images

• Don’t Cross-Post Pictures: Avoid using the same images on your kink and vanilla profiles or accounts. Even if the image itself seems innocuous, it can be a link that connects your identities.
• Reverse Image Search: Before using an image, perform a reverse image search using Google Images or TinEye. This will show you where else the image appears online, potentially revealing connections you didn’t realize existed.

Handles/Usernames

• Don’t Reuse Usernames: Using the same username or handle across different platforms makes it easier for people to find and connect your accounts, a simple web search is able to easily find the same username on multiple websites. Choose distinct usernames for your kink and vanilla activities.
• Variations Aren’t Foolproof: Even slight variations of a username (think princess vs princess69) can be traced back to you. Be mindful of patterns and avoid using easily identifiable elements in your usernames.

Emails

• Don’t Reuse Emails: This is a crucial aspect of separation. Using the same email address for both kink and vanilla activities creates a direct link between your identities.
• Create Separate Email Accounts: Maintain separate email accounts for each aspect of your life. This compartmentalizes your online activities and minimizes the risk of accidental crossover.

Track your inbound emails

This section was included from a suggested comment on this writing

If, like the majority of people, you are a GMail user you have a neat trick at your disposal. Plus addressing lets you create variations of your email address while still having all messages delivered to your main inbox.

This works by adding a “+” sign and a keyword after your username but before the “@” symbol. For example, if your email is [email protected], you can use [email protected] for online banking, [email protected] for your FetLife account, [email protected] for Facebook, etc etc.

This is a great strategy for filtering, tracking, and identifying sources of spam, companies selling information and more. You can set up filters to send these emails to specific folders, or if you suddenly get a Nike ad to the [email protected] address you know Fetlife is selling your information.

This may be possible at other email providers but GMail is the one I know for a fact it works on and is well documented online. If you know of other providers please feel free to post them in the comments below.

Passwords: The first line of defense

Your passwords are your first line of defense. Weak or reused passwords can compromise your accounts and expose your personal information. If you are one of the many that use the same password it’s important to note that passwords are routinely leaked in hacks, and if someone is able to tie one password to you they have access to all of your accounts. To prevent this:

Use a Password Manager

Remembering unique, complex passwords for every account is nearly impossible. This is where password managers come in. These are great tools and I personally use them every day. They come with many benefits such as:

• Generate strong passwords: They create random, complex passwords that are difficult to crack.
• Store your passwords securely: They encrypt and store all your passwords in one place, accessible with a master password.
• Autofill login forms: They automatically fill in your usernames and passwords on websites, saving you time and effort.

Recommended Password Managers:

• LastPass: A popular and feature-rich password manager with a free version and premium options.
• 1Password: Known for its user-friendly interface and strong security features. Offers a free trial and subscription plans.
• Bitwarden: A highly-rated open-source password manager with a generous free plan and affordable premium options.

Beyond the Basics: Extra layers of protections

• Two-Factor Authentication (2FA): Whenever possible, enable 2FA on your accounts. This adds an extra layer of security by requiring a second form of verification, such as a code sent to your phone, in addition to your password.
• Regular Password Updates: Even strong passwords should be updated periodically. Aim to change your passwords at least every few months.
• Unique Master Password: Choose a strong, unique master password for your password manager and store it safely. This is the key to your entire password vault.

Data breaches: The lurking threat

In today’s digital landscape, data breaches are a harsh reality. Companies big and small can fall victim to cyberattacks, resulting in the exposure of sensitive user information.

When a company experiences a data breach, the leaked information can include:

• Names
• Email addresses
• Phone numbers
• Physical addresses
• Usernames
• Passwords
• Social Security numbers
• Credit card information

Even seemingly useless data like an email address or phone number can be used to connect your online identities. Here’s how:

• Data Correlation: Hackers and data brokers collect and combine information from various sources, including data breaches. By matching your email address or phone number across different datasets, they can build a profile linking your seemingly separate online accounts.
• People Search Engines: Websites like Spokeo and Pipl allow anyone to search for individuals using their email address or phone number. These sites aggregate data from public records, social media, and other sources, potentially revealing connections between your identities.
• Targeted Advertising: Companies use your online activity and data to personalize advertisements. If your email address or phone number is linked to both your kink and vanilla accounts, you might start seeing ads that reveal your interests to the wrong audience.

Check leaked data

Knowing if your personal data has been leaked through a data breach is good information to know and very helpful in taking proactive steps to further protect yourself and your identity. Fortunately, there are online services that can help you check for leaked information.

The service that I personally use is Have I Been Pwned (HIBP). Check out the website and see if your information has been leaked and if it has, what was leaked.

VPNs: Your online shield

A VPN can be a useful tool for enhancing your online privacy and security. It creates an encrypted tunnel between your device and a remote server, masking your internet traffic and making it appear as if you’re browsing from a different location. VPNs can help in the following ways:

• Hide your IP address: Your IP address reveals your location and can be used to track your online activity. A VPN masks your real IP address with the server’s address, making it harder for websites and trackers to identify you.
• Encrypt your internet traffic: VPNs encrypt your data, making it unreadable to anyone who might intercept it, including your internet provider, hackers, or the owner of that random router you connected to.

How VPNs Enhance Separation

For those seeking to maintain separate online identities, VPNs offer several advantages:

• Prevent tracking across websites: By masking your IP address and encrypting your traffic, VPNs make it more difficult for websites and advertisers to track your browsing activity across different sites and link your online behavior. Although they can still do so using cookies!
• Access websites securely: If you’re accessing websites or content related to your kink life, a VPN adds a layer of security and anonymity, preventing your ISP or others from monitoring your activity.
• Compartmentalize your online activity: Consider using different VPN servers for different online activities. This further separates your online identities and reduces the risk of cross-contamination.

There are a number of reputable VPN providers out there, here are just a few that I have tried and can recommend:

• NordVPN: Known for its strong security features, large server network, and user-friendly interface.
• ProtonVPN: A privacy-focused VPN provider with a strong commitment to security and a no-logs policy.

Privacy Apps

While adjusting settings and practicing good online habits are great, certain apps can provide an extra layer of protection and make it easier to stay safe.

Digital Footprint

• Cloaked: This app generates masked email addresses, phone numbers, and credit card numbers, allowing you to interact online without revealing your real information. This is particularly useful for signing up for services or making online purchases when you want to maintain your anonymity.
• Privacy.com: Similar to Cloaked, Privacy.com provides virtual cards that mask your real credit card details, adding a layer of security to your online transactions and preventing unwanted tracking.

Communication

• Google Voice: Obtain a separate phone number that can be used for calls, texts, and voicemail. This allows you to compartmentalize your communication and maintain a distinct contact for different aspects of your life.
• Burner Apps: These apps provide temporary phone numbers that can be used for a limited time and then discarded. This is ideal for situations where you need a disposable number for privacy or security reasons. (Examples: Burner, Hushed, Dingtone)

Email

• Fastmail: A privacy-focused email provider that offers encrypted email and a range of features designed to protect your data.
• ProtonMail: Known for its strong encryption and security features, ProtonMail is a popular choice for those seeking a secure and private email service.
• Tuta: Another secure email provider with end-to-end encryption and a focus on privacy.

Temporary Email

• Guerrilla Mail: Generate temporary email addresses that expire after a short period. Useful for signing up for services or newsletters without revealing your primary email address.
• 10 Minute Mail: As the name suggests, this service provides temporary email addresses that last for 10 minutes, ideal for quick and anonymous online interactions.

Final Thoughts

As with all of my instructional writings, I don’t claim to be an expert at everything…or anything! If you believe some part of this is incorrect, or needs to be adjusted, or something just needs to be added to it. Then comment it below, or send me a message and I’ll be glad to make any necessary corrections.