I am regularly active in the local community and spend more time on FetLife than I care to admit (more than any other social media), and through that I’ve seen a lot and heard many horror stories from people both experienced and new. It really seems like many people don’t know how to interact in a mature manner on here, and to tell the truth I’m skeptical of everyone until I meet them. So I figured I’d compile a list of “red flags” I tend to look out for here on FetLife.

A violation of just one of these usually isn’t enough for me to write someone off, but it’s definitely enough for me to be more meticulous about things.

Not reading Profiles

This is a social media site and we do have profiles. Most people tend to post a little something about themselves, you know some way to get to know them. However, a lot of people don’t even bother reading them.

At the top of my profile and of @PumpkinTitssss profile we both have a little thing that says not to blind request us. We really only add people that we have met, or vendors that we interact with. But that doesn’t stop people from sending us requests. I get between 5-6 requests a week from people I don’t know. They will usually either sit there or I’ll ignore them. Either way, it shows to me that you’re looking for something else. And do not value my opinion, feelings, etc etc and if that’s the case I probably don’t want you on my list.

I’ve seen other instances where people will put that they are married, monogamous, not looking, poly saturated, etc on their profile and still have people hitting them up to play/fuck/whatever.

Read people’s fucking profiles! Not sure why I’m saying that, if this article applies to you I’m sure you still won’t.

Following tons of women/men

Another redflag I typically see is following many people of the same sex in a short amount of time. This is typically men following dozens of women but I have seen women doing this to men as well.

Now if you suddenly add 10-20 people and they’re different sexes or roles (Dom/sub/etc) then I’ll overlook it. But if in the past 24hrs you’ve added/followed 50 women, and no males…I know exactly what you’re doing. Trying to find an in to get your dick wet, or build up your porn stash. Either way this is easily one of the quickest red flags to spot.

Blank Profile

Blank or almost empty profiles is another one. I have met law enforcement officers, military personnel, medical professionals, and many other professions in my community, so what reason could you possibly have to be so secret? Hiding your profile from your partner is the only thing I can think of.

I mean seriously folks! I’m not saying you should have your face on here, or your whole life story. But tell a little about yourself, have some pictures, do something to show you’re not just some lowlife.

I will state that if your profile is less than a week old I typically tend to give a little more leeway, depending on your activity.

Another thing on this same topic is if all of your pictures are dick pics, I’m going to view you in the same light. There’s more to this community than just your dick.

Only attending sex parties

I know I may piss some people off with this one but that’ll be ok, like I said I don’t typically just go off of one “red flag”. But if the only events you RSVP to are sex parties then I also know what you’re here for. As stated in the intro here, I’m very active in the community. I go to tons of demos, munches, events, and even the local dungeon. If I never see you out and about or you’re only Rsvp’ing to sex parties and nothing else, we probably have nothing to discuss as we’re in different points of the lifestyle and you’re probably just here thinking this is an easy way to get laid.

This section is not to say anything against swingers, y’all do y’all .

Interaction

One of the final things I look at is your interaction on FetLife with others. If all you do is comment on girls’ pictures stupid shit like “Suck my dick bitch” or “I’d love to fuck your ass” then we know what you’re here for. I’m not saying I look down on people that are close or have built that relationship, but if that’s all you’re commenting on dozens or hundreds of girls’ pics….yeah we know.

Another note on this one is forum posts or comments. If all of your group posts/comments are you trying to get laid…well you’re putting it out there in the open.

Closing thoughts

I know this isn’t very “well written”, it was kind of an impromptu writing I just wanted to throw together really quick. Also as I said just one or two of these won’t make me write anyone off, it’s more of a case-by-case basis type of thing, but these seem to be common warning signs that many people use.

If you’re new to Fet or the lifestyle, don’t do the kind of stuff I mentioned above.